Week 19.5: Destroy what destroys you.

I couldn't wait until a full week had passed before I posted again. So much has been on my mind as of late. I have experienced some new things this week. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night with a racing heart beat in a cold sweat. All I could gather from my half awake brain was that I was worried; intensely worried. I could not, however, remember what had me so worked up. I couldn't calm down. This, in turn, worried me even more. I have finally come to the conclusion that all the chaos in my life is just too much. I am too caught up in meaningless things. These things put me in a constant bad mood with a short temper. I have noticed that when I begin to cut these things out of my life, my composure is restored. My heart rate levels out and I am once again calm. That calm feeling is the most blissful feeling one can experience. I long for it. I know where to find it. The one thing standing in my way is real intent; the hardest thing to get.

I, as well as all of you, have things to work on. No one is perfect. But, I feel like I'm on the verge of something big. It's like everything in my life is slowly leading up to a singular event. A life changing event. Maybe that event is a choice. Only time will tell. I think sometimes we aren't quite ready for that which is to come. We must be prepared by whatever life throws at us. So when that day comes, I will be ready and willing to do what must be done.

Destroy what destroys you. Prepare yourself. Something big is coming. But only if you let it happen. Be willing.

T.