Week 12: Refocus.

Once again I greet you with another blog post.

Although it has only been a week since the last time that I wrote, it feels like I missed a week or something. It is, however, a special weekly post. Christmas is tomorrow. It has been two years since I have spent a Christmas at home with the family. For two years Christmas meant only being able to talk to them on the phone and later Skype. Many people I talked to found that to be cruel. Not being able to see my family on those special days... But I did it willingly for the same reason that Christmas even exists; for our Savior, Jesus Christ. Now i'm not going to talk about my religion, but I will say that thinking back to Christ is really what got me through the tough times and gets us through everyday.

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Copper Hills High School whose students raised over $27,000 this December to provide Christmas for families in need. That, my friends, is what Christmas should be focused on. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and all other commercialized Xmas gimmicks need to disappear. I, unfortunately, find myself caught up in the racket. Sometimes we need to just take a step back and think about others. Those that don't have. We whine and complain about our cushy lives while those around us struggle to make ends meet. Let's all make a goal to be more caring and considerate.

If this is your first time tuning into the blog, I try not to be this intense on a regular basis. I just like to write about thought provoking things. Things that keep me up at night.

Sometimes I wonder if people only read so that they can have something to hold against me or hang over my head in the future. If that is your intention, please don't. Haha.

Family hasn't been a big priority in my life over the past few months. I'm looking to change that. It's harder than you'd think though. To completely change your focus is one of life's big challenges. For example one who focuses on personal gain may have a hard time refocusing on selflessness. One that has a hard time putting family first may have a hard time sacrificing worldly things to open up family time. I remember family nights every Monday night without fail growing up. Even if we just took a few minutes to get together to go over each family members plans that week, I felt more, united. So here is my challenge to you: Find something you focus on in your life that you need to change, and then take the steps to refocus. If you are focused on commercial Christmas, Refocus on its true meaning.

Until the next (New Years Eve),

T

Week 11: Confusion

Well, it's that time of the week again..

Overall my week has been a rather strange one.. I really don't know what to make of it. I'd like to say that it was a great week, but that wouldn't be true. I also can't say that it was a terrible week either. With highlights and lowlights, everything seemed to balance out to a 'meh' type of week. I look back, however and think about how I could have changed things, but my mind just comes up blank. I have high hopes for the coming weeks though. I am going to try and get stuff done. I feel like all the confusion in my life will begin to subside over the next few weeks. Not to mention that Christmas is included in the weeks coming events, which is just what I need right now. It has been a long time since I have really felt the Christmas spirit. I am really looking forward to immersing myself in all the simple holiday pleasantries to help the coming weeks be great and unforgettable.

I try really hard not to be boring. It's funny though, because I am more often than not, bored. I have all the time in the world, but no time to do anything. I am surprised that I have even been able to keep this blog going on such a regular basis. It's about the only thing people can count on from me these days. My one reliable quality it seems. Which reminds me, it was brought to my attention recently that I am considered by some to be unreliable. Therefore, I now make reliability to be this weeks goal. Maybe I'll make it a weekly thing in this blog; to decide attribute I am going to work on for the week. All in my efforts to better myself and be one step ahead at achieving who I know I want to become. If we want the world to be a better place, as we all know by now, we must start with ourselves.

Unfortunately, the world is a sad place. I'm sure everyone has heard of the recent tragedy in Connecticut. I don't want to dwell on it or really say too much, but it really has affected me this week. My prayers go out to everyone involved or affected by this senseless act.

A little advice (me included): If you want something, fight for it. Don't wait. Life and it's limited opportunities will pass you by. You are good enough. Things may not always work out how you'd like them to, but it does not mean you are a failure or that something is wrong with you. Love yourself for who you are. Know that you have great potential, and you, only you, can do what is necessary to reach it. If you have taken a risk lately, good for you. Many times that risk is all that's required to reach our goals. Be honest. Don't let people get the wrong idea. It's not fair to them or you. It may be hard to be straight up and tell the truth (believe me, I know) but it is always necessary.

Until next week.

T.

Week 10: Both Sides

Every story has two sides to it. On occasion, it'll have multiple sides. Therefore, we need to make sure to get our facts straight. Talk to people. Don't be afraid. Find out what's really going on. Life is too short to spend it confused. So clear the air. If things aren't how they seemed, change them or move on. There is no use in being sad about the past or angry or bitter etc. I honestly believe that dwelling on the past is a cop-out; a way to escape or avoid the inevitable future. I have wasted a lot of time on hind sight issues. Time to make the future I want.

There were a few things that I really wanted to talk about in this post, but I am really having a hard time putting them in words. Maybe it's because these things are frustrations that I've had over the past week and I know that it does no good to focus my life on my problems. But I must say that looking on the bright side is tough. When everything in your life seems like it just isn't quite what you dreamed it to be, you tend to focus on the bad. But once again I say, What about the good? I guarantee there is plenty of good in your life. That one thing that makes each day bearable. I've mentioned my family before, but now I will talk about my friends. They keep me going. I was blessed all through my life with friends that lift up and encourage and never drag me down. Sometimes I feel like I'm the dragger, but I really do thank them for all they've done for me.

Time is a funny thing. I seem to have none but too much of it at the same time. I know our lives can get hectic, but I am a FIRM believer that we really can and will make time for those or the things that truly matter to us. Being too busy is merely a state of mind. This isn't to say that we have time for EVERY thing; that's illogical. However, we will have time for the important ones. Call me crazy for thinking and believing that, but it's true.

Without giving too much of a peek into my personal life I will say that I'm not perfect. Nor do I expect to be. I'm quick to close my book sometimes. I consider that to be one of my major downfalls and the main thing that I am working. Don't close your book on me, I'm trying to be better. As I said last week, I know where I want to be in life and I plan to take all the necessary steps to achieve that goal. It's what's been taught to me for my entire life. It's crazy, after everything that has happened I always go back to the basics. That's what really matters.

Don't grow up too fast, but when it's time, it's time. Face life with courage and the knowledge that it goes on no matter what. Don't fight that currant.

Until next week.

T

Week 9: Statements, truths and life changes.

Where to start?

Even though it feels like the weeks fly by extremely fast, the days are like years. I am amazed at how much can happen in one day. Today alone has had a weeks worth of experiences. It sure makes it easy to come up with things to blog about.

In a recent discussion with my mother, I came to realize that she is always right. I rarely admit it, but she and I both know it. I established some goals and figured out where I wanted to be with my life. Which leads me to my first topic: What's really important. I've been so caught up on the little things. I know what I want in the end. Now its time to take the steps to get there. Here is a truth, improvements are only made by constant striving and commitment. But only when you are ready. We all need time to decide what we want in life. I'm not saying that I'm some kind of guru and that I've got it all figured out. But I'm getting there.

I feel that randomness is also one of life's necessities. It's that bit of spontaneity that makes life bearable. It helps us get out of that rut we have the tendency to get stuck in. Its also what helps to create the uniqueness found in each one of us; what sets us apart from the rest of the world. I'm not trying to bash on routines. Those too, are necessary. All I ask is that we try not to get stuck. Don't let yourself turn into a drone. If you feel as if you are stuck in a rut, get out. Do something new. See something new. Try a new food. Take some photos. Live on the edge for a moment.

I've also been missing my mission a lot lately. Sure it was stressful at times, filled with disappointment, and tiring, but it also was soo rewarding. You only worried about one thing: what's most important. The distractions weren't there. I miss that.

Well folks, that's all for now.

Theories are easy to come by, but truth is hard to find.

Taylor.

Week 8: Regular

Stroke the beard of Garett Bobby Ferguson.

I am in a particularly strange mood today. This is possibly due to my lack of sleep last night. So I must warn you, this post will probably be more on the random side. I just saw a commercial for a new childrens game. It was called Doggy Doo. The object of this game was to feed a plastic dog a playdoh like substance, and then to watch the dog poop it out in a nice perfect log shape. Interesting. It makes me wonder what has happened to the world. Whatever happened to Hotwheels? Or Lincoln Logs? Tinker Toys? NO! Let's watch a fake dog crap a log of Playdoh.

Necessary evils. Necessary. And Evil. Examples include work, taxes, laundry, and squirrels. But seriously though, we all have to do things that we don't wanna do. It all started when we were little and we heard our parents say those dreaded words "clean your room." I still struggle with that one. But it must be done. I'm sure everyone is thinking about something in their life that has to be done and they don't want to do it. These very things seem to be the most important things. The things that if we don't do them, we end up regretting it or miss out on something special. However necessary these evils are not the only things. Unnecessary things can be just as necessary. Mind Blown yet? Xbox, smart phones, laptops and HD are some of my personal picks for unnecessary necessities. What about you? What are the unnecessary things that you can't live without? Doggy Doo maybe?

Time to get serious. Music. Possibly the thing I am the most serious about these days. Lately I have been hooked on local and relatively unknown bands. Desert Noises, The Moth and the Flame, Timmy the Teeth, The Rural Alberta Advantage, Joshua James. Look these folks up if you would like to be amazed. But I also still love my classic mainstream music. Some may call me weird. They are correct.

Well I'm going to sign off,

Do the necessary evils, don't forget about the unnecessary necessities either. Don't let Doggy Doo invade your home. Who wants to watch it poop anyways?

Taylor.

Week 7: Light and Fluffy

Well hello again,

It has been a very strange week for me. And not for any specific reason either. It flew by extremely fast. Most of the time I had no idea what day it was. But once again, sunday has come, and it's my weekly blog time. Unfortunately, I have had no deep and profound thoughts this week. This is probably due to the fact that I have had no time to think. Going going going, all week.

My busy schedule this week led me to an amazing concert on Friday, however. I saw some really talented local bands and artists. Lately, local music has been the only thing that I listen to. The Moth and the Flame, Desert Noises, Timmy the Teeth, Seve vs. Evan, Parlor Hawk, Joshua James, and Lake Island have been on repeat for days. Look them up on facebook if you don't know who they are.

Thanksgiving is literally right around the corner. Just four more days. I would go as far as to say that it is my favorite holiday. I feel a special spirit on that day as I am in the company of immediate and extended family. Many people have made the entire month of November "thankful month". I respect that a lot. We are never grateful enough for the things in our lives. Family, friends, our faith, home, freedom, employment. We take so much for granted. When I stop to think about all the good things in my life, I really am overwhelmed and the bad things seem to disappear. Maybe I live just a cushy life. Or maybe it really is because my focus has always just been on the things that are wrong with my life. I think it's really time to just switch focus. We have to experience the bad to fully appreciate the good. That is a simple truth.

I am positive that times are only going to get harder for us in general. How will you confront the difficult times? Will you run from your problems or will you rise to the challenges and emerge a better person? I hope that I can be one of the people to say that I took the more noble road. However, only time will tell.

Keep your head up. Don't quit. Improve yourself. Give thanks.

Taylor.

Week 6: Curveball

Sometimes I wonder if everyone is getting sick of hearing and reading my boring blog posts, but then I remember that this is mainly for me. Not for anyone else. I appreciate those who read it and especially those who leave feedback. Thanks to all of you.

Life is never easy. It wasn't meant to be. That's why the challenge has always been to make the most of it and not let it pass you by. We have good days and we have bad ones. Sometimes life throws us a curveball and we have to decide whether we should swing or not. My philosophy has generally been swing. Take the risk. But my follow through has always been a bit on the sketchy side. Example: Many years ago, life threw a curveball to my everyday life when the opportunity rose to descend a very tall, steep hill. I took what seemed to be the fun option (the risk, the swing) and hurried down this daunting decline. My sketchy follow through caused me to fall and injure myself. In retrospect, it's obvious that the correct choice was not to swing at that curveball and to proceed with caution down the hill. I could have saved myself from various cuts, scrapes and bruises. But then again, sometimes it's those very decisions that shape who we are today. Some may call them mistakes, but others call them learning experiences. I'm also sure that all of us can think of many of these very experiences. Taking that swing at the curveball is NOT always the wrong option though. I can think of a number of occasions where that risk brought great reward. The dilemma for us then becomes, when should we swing and when shouldn't we? Just as many athletes discover, sometimes it may take a good coach to help learn and feel when the swing is appropriate. That coach, whether it be a true friend, parent, family member or the best coach of all, our Heavenly Father, will help to achieve that sense of what's right for us. I don't pretend, however, to be a pro or to always listen to my coach, but I do try to only take the necessary swings.

Innovation is the key to success in todays world. Think of anything that has made a difference lately or that has taken the public by storm. Social media for example was soo innovative that there is hardly a soul that isn't connected in one way or another to some form of social media. I am not, however, going to talk about the pros and cons of social media networks, but I will say they have been both good and bad to me over the years. Back to the topic of innovation. I think that's really the one thing I could use more of in my life. I've dedicated much thought to the subject. I'm obsessed with it. But yet, I still lack it. How innovative are you?

Well I'm going to bring this post to a close. Take it easy friends. Always look on the bright side, even if it's far from sight.

Week 5.2: Photography and Hidden Places

Here are some of my recent photos. All were taken by me. Try and guess where they were taken. 

Fall colors on a calm Sunday afternoon. 

No trespassing!

I truly believe that the edit is what makes this photo what it is. 

This house seems haunted. Rumor has it that some cows now call this place home. 

My favorite shot from Spain.

Ending on a colorful note.

Week 5: Sorry it took soo long.

I'd like to just start off by saying that my heart goes out to the family and friends of Joshua Pratt Hooper, who tragically lost his life on Saturday in a shooting accident. You are in my prayers.

I promise not to make this entry a gloomy one though. I believe we get enough of that from our daily news and daily lives. Lets try and focus on the positive things in life. What is it that helps you get through the day? A loved one, a pet, or a hobby? Whatever it is that makes you happy, cling to it and appreciate it. Lately for me I've really come to realize that my family is what makes me keep going. I may not be around alot, but I truly to believe that I would be lost without them. They say that November is the month of thanks giving. Well, i am first and foremost thankful for my parents and siblings.

I'm not lying when I say that my life has been quite the rollercoaster this week. I have had many ups. But I also have had an equal amount of downs. So I'm left feeling neutral. Content. But hopes remain bright. I'm very excited to see where my life is going to take me next. I'd like to already know what's coming my way, be one step ahead, but that isn't really how life works. We live one day at a time. If we have our feet grounded, we will be ready for whatever life throws at us. If your feet aren't set, then you better get them there, because one can only predict that our lives will get harder with time. The economy, politics, natural disasters, and the media are all getting worse. We all need to be ready. Well, as ready as we can be. Make that effort to be one step ahead.

On a more worldly note, one of my greatest vices is video games. I am very nerdily happy for the releases of my two favorite video game series. Halo and Call of Duty. Don't hate on me for it. I still love you... Anyways, i just wish i could get the games for free instead of paying 60 bucks a pop. Oh well, I guess it is my punishment.

I'm going to do something a little bit different with my songs of the week this time. It will be a throwback edition. A tribute to some of my favorite songs of all time.
1. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie. One song that if I hear it, I must sing it. It dates back to my early beginnings with music. One that helped me get started.
2. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World. Favorite track from the third album i ever owned. Mind blowing and will always have a special place in my heart.
3. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers. The first album I ever purchased. One of the best I've ever purchased. One of the greatest tracks of all time. Hands Down.

Well until next time.

Ps. Go with your gut. Don't wimp out, because the risk brings reward.

Week 4.5: Consequences.

Blog time again chumps! This one might get a lil wordy; I've got lots on my mind. I don't really even know where to start.

I'll start off with the topic of consequences. Even though it is a ver broad never ending topic, it has been on my mind a lot lately. When most of us hear that word, we automatically think of bad consequences. We, often times, don't view the good things that happen to us as consequences but as rewards. But the two remain the same. We, as humans, tend to feel like we receive mainly bad consequences in our lives. I'm no exception. Most of the time it feels like everything sucks. Then, something always reminds me of just how good I have it. I am reminded to count my blessings instead of cursings. But still we must all own up to the consequences of our choices whether good or bad, and move on. Let others make their choices and respect them. Remember the golden rule.

Another hot topic in my crazy brain has been friends. To be honest I have lots of friends. I am thankful for every one of them. I won't name names, but they know who they are. It all started with my first friends who will always be my mistake bestest friends even though our paths cross more rarely than I'd like. Even over all these years, I'd still do anything for them. As our paths went in different directions, I was blessed with new friends that I now hold equally as dear. Thanks to them I've never felt lonely or abandoned. A well timed phone call can fix a lot and prevent loneliness. Surprisingly, at my job, even though I don't like my job, I have made great friends that are like my family. Again, as we drift different ways,  I will still consider them best friends. We all have a BEST friend though. Some one that knows you better than anyone else,  and can finish your sentence before you even say it. I can think of that person. I hope they think of me still. But, alas, those dreaded consequences come into play and change things; throw us a curve ball and we are forced to move on.

Anyone that knows me knows that a big topic on my brain is always music. My taste in music has changed a lot over the years. But in the end I've really found my musical identity. However eclectic it is,  it describes me perfectly. If you want to get to know me, look through my ipod. Few have been privileged to do so.

Here are this weeks top 3 songs on my ipod and why:

Oak Tree - Desert Noises. This is my favorite track off of the album Mountain Sea. They will be here in concert twice this month. I plan to attend both shows.
We Were Kids - Turtle Giants. This song + the music video is just great. It makes me want to be a kid again. Life was much simpler.  Days were longer. Santa Claus was real.
Dig Into Waves - Freelance Whales. This band has the potential to achieve great things. They are quickly climbing up my mental charts. Give it a listen. Close your eyes as you do so...

What I've learned this week: when everything seems bad, is when something amazing comes along, and you're happy. And you ant to spend all your time with that something.

Until next time friends...

Week 4. Let's go back.

I've been home for over six months now. I feel like it's been a lot longer than that for sure. My life, already, has taken various major turns. I guess I should, however, consider it a blessing that time has been moving slowly for me. I've gotten to enjoy every minute of the good times but also every minute of the bad. But still as I look back, the good far outweighs the bad. And I think that means something. One can only hope that life will only continue in this generally good direction.

I recently got powned on Facebook by one of the few people that know more about music than I. Although I still do not agree with his point I openly admit defeat. This defeat,however, only inspired me to become an even bigger music guru. I must be the best.

I am a nerd. That's all there is to it. I've accepted it. I believe that's part of what makes me different than other nerds. If you are a nerd in denial, just accept it. Things are better once your nerdiness is embraced.

This week in my efforts to stay one step ahead I found myself with a blank mind. I was out of innovative ideas all week. I couldn't even improv a song while with some friends. Where did my creativity go? Is it because I am a working stiff? My quest this week is innovation. I will report on my success or failure later.

Week 3: get knifed son.

I'm sure we all those weeks that, by the end of them, make us say, wow. Life is unpredictable. One day we can go from depression to happiness to sickness. But one thing we should always be able to count on, is friends. I have always been blessed to have friends. Good friends. They always have my back when I need em. Thanks guys.

My goal lately, as I have said before, is to stay positive through whatever troubles come my way. Let me just tell you, that is very hard. Life does its very best to bring you down. I have found that music is my escape. It always has been. I just listen to a song I like, and boom! Refocused. Another thing that makes me happy is clothes. Call me whatever you want. It works. But above all the material things, it's my faith that keeps me grounded. I may not be the model returned missionary but really its my testimony that keeps me going.

Maturity is also very hard to come by these days. I feel as technology increases, society's maturity decreases in general. I fall victim to this maturity just as much as the rest. Why do we do this? Why can't we be civil? Why can't we get over ourselves? We all use our Facebook, twitter, instagram, Blogs, to ruin lives and be mean. Play nice, world. Hopefully I'll be able to take my own advice.

Time for something funny. Enough being serious. My good friend Joseph Ataata is pretty dang funny. You all should get to know him. Working with him always makes Macey's a little more tolerable. With things going to hell in a hand basket at work, a little humor goes a long way.

As I bring this entry to a close, I just wanna quote a famous rap song. "everybody dies, but not everybody lives. " - Drake. I'm sure he's not the only person in history to say it. But it's my new goal to really live. Won't let life pass me by.

Until next time my friends.

Week 2: just a thought.

Who pre writes a blog entry? I dunno, maybe someone that is trying to stay one step ahead. Some have asked me just what it is I am staying ahead of. My response has been, and will remain, what am I not staying ahead of? In my childish way of answering a question with a question, I am trying to prove a point. Why shouldn't we plan everything out and be ahead of the game? Or from a different standpoint, why shouldn't we try to stay ahead by going against the flow and being our own person? Why do social norms and trends even exist? Why do we as humans have this inner need to fit in and gain approval?

I am just as guilty of this as the next guy, if not, more so. My whole life I've jumped around from thing to thing depending on what was hip or in, or, what my friends were into. It wasn't until recently (post LDS mission) that I've begun to really figure out myself and really set up my image. In our world, first impressions are everything. I've always wondered and wished that I could be in a persons mind when they meet me for the first time. Do they find me as weird and nerdy as I do? Or do they see me as someone who has clearly found out who he is? For that reason alone, I care about my first impressions and appearances. Maybe one day I'll be able to achieve the ultimate okness with myself so I won't have to care anymore.

Just a lil some thing to think about...

Weekly music section: my top 3 this week and why.
1. Grew up at midnight - The Maccabees. I have had this song on repeat all week. My favorite part is at minute 2:42 the entrance of all the instruments followed by the vocals gets me every time.
2. Sleeping Ute - Grizzly Bear. And excellent track with unique old timey guitar riffs And amazing vocals. The best part of the song occurs at minute 3:10. Uopn listening, you'll understand why. I can't help but sing along and really embrace the lyrics.
3. Tesselate - alt-J. The first time I heard that track, I got up and started doing a weird dance. Very few songs have the power to literally move me. For some reason I just can't get enough of this song. I hope you enjoy these as I have.

Week 1.5

<p>I've decided to add another purpose to the creation of this blog. I spoke of music. Now I plan to share the songs that I can't stop listening to. This is in hope that at least someone will discover a bit of new music and enjoy it.

Where have the good ol' days gone. Lately I've been thinking about how simple life used to be. I miss the excitement in felt as a kid. The holidays just are not what they used to be. Many would blame it on age and maturity, but I wonder if it's due to the changed world. I don't even feel like today's children get the same experience that I had. Technology has made everything more expensive, complicated and less... I don't know.. Magical. Don't get me wrong. I love technology. Here I sit, Blogging on my brand new Samsung Galaxy SIII all while watching my tv in HD. Ten years ago, I was looking forward to Halloween and my 12th birthday. These days I find myself dreading birthdays and forgetting the holidays are even coming.

I also found myself thinking about how I could all of this into a positive experience. How could I not be such a grinch about my advancing age and my decreasing excitement for the holidays and the little things in life. What I realized is that my focus has been on the wrong things in life. I think we all need to take a step back and really try to slow down and take things one at a time. I've begun to go on long drives with my great friend Monte to see cool places, take pictures and to really just clear our heads of all the mumbo jumbo that daily life keeps throwing at us.

I hope everyone can find a way to clear their head. Or to enjoy life like we did when we were kids. If you've got any great ideas, I'm definitely open to suggestions. Life is tough, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves.

Week 1.

In an effort to stay one step ahead of the world I once again find myself one step behind it. Blogging is one of the modern world's most common practices. Logically, due to the fact that I am still playing catch-up, I am only just now hopping on the Blogging bandwagon. I aspire to, one day, be the innovator not the immitator. But for now, my late, copy-cat blog will have to suffice.

Here is a little about me: I enjoy photography, although I am less than mediocre at it. I live for music. More specifically, new music. I find myself downloading and purchasing new music weekly if not daily. It's my pass time. I only wear Vans on my feet. I'm kind of a snob when it comes to footwear. I enjoy going on drives with my good friend. People are jealous of the cool places we find and the sweet pictures we post to instagram as proof. I work at a grocery store. Yeah, that's right a grocery store. It's not too bad though. I enjoy the company of most of my coworkers and I love the soap opera-like drama of the front end employees. We should have a prime time show on NBC. I drink way too much caffeine. I hope to one day eliminate it but, right now that is out of the question.

The purpose of this blog, should I choose the post it, is not to whine nor complain about all the crap that happens to me, but to help me and the few readers to find the positive in every situation. I will also try to post at least weekly, but knowing my spotty habits, I will struggle at achieving that goal. I also plan to post some of my photos here for an added personal touch to the blog.

Reactions to this blog will be mixed. Most people will laugh merely at the fact that I created a blog. Here is a list of likely laughers: my brother, my mother, my sisters, Ryan Summers, Rebecca Delgado, Austin Atkinson, Steven Decker, any girl that I've ever dated, and probably all of my mission buddies. But this blog is therapeutic to say the least. So I don't care. Laugh it up! Haha.

Well, until next time. The next entry will be sooner than next week because I have so much to say.